MIA
Song of the Night: “DRIVE” by SZA
I wish this blog post were about a trip to Miami or something, but it actually stands for Missing In Action.
If I were to describe my creative momentum at the moment…it would be accurately described as “missing in action.” Because quite honestly, it’s been at a standstill for much longer than I anticipated. It’s only fitting that I use the term autopilot on a platform dedicated to my travel adventures and diaries because that’s exactly how I’ve been operating for the past four months.
I’m sitting on thousands of pieces of content – videos, images, written work – but my natural inclination for perfection seems to consistently overpower my desire for authentic sharing. If I’m talking to any creatives here with a similar predicament, how do y’all just move forward? Any advice is greatly appreciated because I am so exhausted from internally fighting myself on sharing my ideas with the world versus keeping them tucked while waiting for the perfect time.
There’s no such thing as perfect timing, right?
The song Drive by SZA has been heavily in rotation as I sort through my emotions lately. There’s a section in the song that hits hard right now:
I been up 'til midnight, drivin' to nowhere
Bumpin' a slow song, can't get my head clear
I been up 'til sunrise, headed to nowhere
Hopin' that someone's missin' me somewhere
Drivin', just drivin'
Just tryin', just tryna get my head right
It'll all be better when, when I
When I, just gotta get my head right
This month marks eight months living in Seattle. Eight months of adjustments, reconnecting with old friends and past lives, and rediscovering this city as an adult. It’s been such a surreal experience mixed with nostalgia and a sense of novelty. As much progress as I’ve made with creating a new life here, I do feel like I’m heading nowhere most days. And that’s likely because I’ve always known that Seattle was never a be-all and end-all place for me. It was very much a temporary landing space to enjoy being physically closer to family and imagine potentially planting roots here. I’ve made my decision that Seattle is not where I will plant my roots, however, I’ve had incredible opportunities present themselves along the way that I’m still excited about. Community events, artist collaborations, and nonprofit work are all thriving, so I try to keep these moments in the rearview as I begin planning and navigating the next part of my journey.
In a way, it feels good to accept that I’ve been driving on autopilot for most of my time here. This moment of acceptance has pushed me towards stronger conviction and motivation to bring direction and purpose to my daily routine.
In my first blog on this platform, I asked myself the following questions:
Who is this season calling me to be?
What do I want my life to look like by next July?
Who gets to decide what direction my journey takes?
This season called me to be a person of deep reflection and introspection. A woman who had to sit with her emotions and truly understand her needs and wants. I won’t say I’ve gotten it 100% clear, but I’ve made major progress in this space. Next July is only four months from now, but I have a solid idea of what life could look like. I know what I want to do when it comes to personal growth and career goals (for the most part because let’s be for real, do we ever really know?). I know what type of people I want to surround myself with. I know that I want to create, write, explore, get healthier, move closer to God, and step into an elevated version of myself. The life I imagine for myself doesn’t exactly align with Seattle’s offerings, cost of living, or weather, but that’s okay. It’s been a beautiful chapter in my book so far, but I’m ready to write a new storyline.
And lastly, I’m who gets to decide what direction my journey takes.
As much as I love others hard, I’ve learned to love myself much harder and understand that whatever choices I make need to only make sense to the current and future me. I’m not completely set on where I’ll go next, so I’ll keep driving ‘til I get my head right. Wherever this takes me, I’ll just need to trust myself and have faith that it’s the right decision.
Always,
Alina